This is the third installment in a new series we launched in September that highlights opportunities for taking a third side approach to difficult decisions about the most pressing issues of the day. Our hope is to provide support for navigating disagreement in a constructive, principled way during this period of heightened conflict.
(To see what we mean by the Third Side, please see our Guiding Principles here.)
In the spirit of giving thanks during this Thanksgiving holiday, this month we want to highlight a hopeful example of the Third Side in action. In What a Very Unlikely Relationship Taught me about Finding Common Ground, Mitch Friedman, Founder and Executive Director of Conservation Northwest, shares his path as an environmental activist “organizing protests and dishing out provocative and polarizing soundbites,” to building an unlikely partnership with Maurice Williamson, a “crusty old codger” who was advising timber, to protect the Colville National Forest in Washington state.
Mitch’s description of how he and Maurice’s relationship developed (as a part of the collaborative work of the Northeast Washington Forest Coalition, bringing timber and conservationists together), is a powerful example of how mutual respect and one:one relationships can lead to finding the common ground on contentious issues, which in this case led to “thousands of acres of forests that have been restored toward a more natural and ecologically healthy condition.” Unfortunately, Maurice passed away in 2024 but you can read more about him here.
Below are some excerpts from Mitch’s memoir:
First Impressions
“That part of the state aligns more with the conservative politics of Idaho than with western Washington, and Maurice was proud to fit in. He knew and cursed my name in the 1980s.”
“He was at first openly disdainful and skeptical of my staff and our agenda. He had his perceptions about me and perhaps conservationists in general, informed by painful experiences of the ’80s and ’90s.”
On Not Moving the Goalposts
“Maurice had to see it to believe it. Like my staff, Maurice negotiated hard, representing his views and knowledge from a life dedicated to his profession. It did not surprise him that we would, for instance, push for protection of big trees and streamside buffers, citing scientific research. He would gruffly push back, citing contrary research and experience. That is how the work is done, by arguing, listening, and reaching accommodation. The poison was that Maurice assumed we would look for ways to later exit or modify those accommodations when it suited us. When he instead observed my staff ... honorably standing by agreements, his posture changed.”
“We rely on applying the best available science to negotiate and implement the best practices. In instances where science is unclear, we are transparent about that and try to learn together by both engaging experts and trying small-scale field experiments. Our strictest rule is to never move the goalposts. We are to negotiate aggressively using our best arguments and tactics, but then stand by whatever agreement is struck. Behaving honorably builds trust and reciprocation.”
“Special interests often shift their goalposts. Once one concession is won, they demand a new one. Politicians do it, as do business interests. None pains me more than watching peer conservation groups do so.... If we don’t stand by our agreements, why would anyone spend effort to dialogue with and accommodate us?”
On Relationships
“The secret sauce of collaboration is quality relationships built on trust.”
“On the whole, collaboration requires hard work, patience, and persistence. Its greatest allure is that it stands in contrast to the polarizing alternative.”
“While we succeeded in finding common ground and getting a lot done together, we didn’t change Maurice’s core values, and he didn’t change mine.”
“Mark Twain said, “It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.” We live in a complex world that doesn’t always fit into our mental models. The best elixir is a strong dose of other viewpoints, especially those formed through careful study and long experience.”
“The open and trusting relationships with Maurice and others at the NEWFC table allow for modest trial-and-error learning to advance on this monumental challenge together.”
“I have come to be a bit humble about what I think we know, even from science. Listening with respect to people who have other views, informed by their experience and observation, is worthwhile. Collaboration fosters that opportunity. If nothing else, we can make one another laugh like Maurice and I did.”
Takeaways: As a society we are facing many once-in-a-lifetime challenges that do not have simple solutions. This is just one story of many that highlights the power of building genuine individual relationships with those with whom we disagree, and how it is through those relationships that we will be able to solve the many pressing challenges of our time. Relationship-building takes time but as Maurice’s and Mitch’s story demonstrates, it can lead to more effective solutions (and some fun in the process – see when Maurice pulls out the bottle of whiskey). Happy Thanksgiving.
This article was part of a series in the Seattle Times called Between Us, which examines the factors that contribute to polarization and prevent good governance, good citizenship and good relationships — and presents solutions. I encourage you to check it out.
Share Your Thoughts
This stuff isn’t easy. The more we talk and share best practices, the better we all will get at finding new ways to the third side, especially during these challenging times. Let us know what you think: please share your thoughts.